Sibling Rivalry-The People You Love To Hate
"Shut UP!"
"NO! YOU Shut UP!"
Could be heard screaming down the hallway and through the back door into Mom's Quiet garden solitude outside by the back gate.
"Here we Go AGAIN," mom sighed heavily as she picked up her garden tools and went inside to 'talk some sense,' into her 'children.' "Twenty Years and NOTHING has changed." Mom smiled as she strolled through the door and back into the house.
Sibling Rivalry Is Ageless.
We fight. We disagree, we get into arguments, We Just Do – ALL OF US. When mothers and fathers have turned a blind eye and deaf ear we chant mantras of, "I Hate, you, I hate you," with fists flying and a litany of heartfelt verbal arrows aimed right below the belt for emphasis.
Sibling Rivalry battles can rage for generations and lifetimes, . . Or Not.
So when it comes to shared holidays like Mothers Day, love them or hate them or somewhere in between, your brother and sister are going to be there to celebrate with mom too – Same as you are.
From Children to adults siblings fight for virtually any reason in the book. We know those people best – Our siblings. We know where their strengths are, but most importantly, where their weaknesses lie. We are jealous, supportive, spiteful, loving, forgiving, not accepting, emotional, aloof. Siblings are the Yin and Yang of every emotion.
For children what parents must do is back off and let them work out differences between themselves. If arguments involve physical fighting, you need to step in (between blows) and separate them. Different rooms is best, but if you can remain visually present, your visual involvement may help cool off a sibling heat wave.
What have you taught your children about resolving their differences. They learn from you – Good AND Bad – And they carry those skills with them into adulthood. Do you yell, scream profanities, slam doors, leave a room angry and act like a bully in an argument or disagreement – So Will Your Children.
If you need help managing your own anger, we strongly recommend getting some help, talking to your doctor or taking some classes to learn alternative methods of dealing with anger and difficult or challenging situations. Being afraid to take that step for any reason leaves you vulnerable to live the rest of your life a miserable human being. You alone may choose to lighten that burden or make it insufferable all the rest of your days. The choice is yours.
It takes TWO people to have an argument. Don't pick sides. Each person is 50 % responsible for 100% of ANY argument.
Put your children and yourself in a winning situation by giving yourself and them positive ways to negotiate with each other over arguments. For instance:
- Give children suggestions for ways to talk to each other instead of calling each other names and placing blame.
- Have things planned in advance that they can do together (or apart) – whether it is a chore or a game they can play. This way they are working together to reach a resolution or a happy ending for each of them.
- Since you are the, "adult," set some age appropriate rules up for them to follow and consequences for inappropriate behavior – Be the leader in showing them those rules in practice with your own actions and emotions.
- Life just isn't "fair" sometimes – Teach this to your kids or society will be forced to, and this lesson is so much easier coming from a parent
than a stranger.
- Schedule family time with family and individual time with family members. We all want to feel safe in our relationships
, loved and appreciated for being individuals – Children especially.
- Support your spouse or partner when they say, "No."
- Take your own "Time Out" when you are about to blow a fuse yourself. Walking away sometimes ends a sibling fighting spree completely . . . simply because you are the parent your children are fighting over. . . for your attention.
For adults. There is no kind or easy way to say this – Get over it. You're a grown-up now. It's Mother's Day and at the end of the day, it's about mom, celebrating your mom -The mom you share, not the invisible mom you used to taunt your sibling with, about (My personal favorite), . . . "Being Adopted."
For some siblings the hurt is deep and the grudge is long and the pain of being around that sibling is unforgiveable. How sad that must feel and yet at the same time, how much have you vindicated Yourself and absolved Yourself from responsibility for that hurt. Take charge of your own feelings. Get help if you need it. Letting it ruin your family holidays and memories and enjoyment won't change anything. Death is an unkind reminder that it really (yes, really truly) didn't matter in the bigger picture of life.
Sometimes saying I love you on Mother's Day is enough. And sometimes you need to add Mothers Day Flowers to your message.
Mothers Day Flower Delivery can help you with that.
Sibling Rivalry – The People you Love To Hate
MothersDayFlowerDelivery.Org
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